


Fly Away Home

by Sioux



Series: Ladybird [2]
Category: The Bill
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-28
Updated: 2012-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-02 15:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sioux/pseuds/Sioux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Ladybird</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fly Away Home

Impatiently Gil tapped his thigh as he listened to the telephone at the other end ring out. He’d lost count of the number of times he had dialled Craig’s number and it hadn’t been answered. There was a genuine reason for contacting Sergeant Gilmore as he still needed to drop off the photograph of his missing diamond collar. His ulterior motive was simply he wanted to see him again. Coming to a decision he put a jacket on and left the house. He drove quite steadily through the increasing traffic to Sun Hill police station, eventually finding a place to park and went in.

“Hello sir, can I help you?” Robbie asked the extremely good looking young man standing at the front desk.

“Yes, you can. I’d like to see Sergeant Gilmore please,” he said in his attractive, husky voice.

Gil noticed some of the life went out of the pleasant bouncy face immediately.

“I’m sorry sir, but Sergeant Gilmore isn’t available. Can anyone else help?”

Gil thought hard for a moment then asked,

“Is Luke Ashton available?”

“I’ll find out for you. May I take you name and what it’s in connection with?”

“Gil Ansell and it’s in connection with a mugging. Sergeant Gilmore asked me to drop off a photograph.”

“Take a seat please.”

She smiled then dialled a number.

Gil sat on the metal bench at the back and waited. Within a couple of minutes Luke came out. Gil stood up and smiled at the young PC, who immediately blushed and dropped his eyes before returning the smile.

“Hi Gil, what can I do for you?”

“Craig asked me to drop off this photograph next time I was passing. Can I leave a message for him as well?”

Mechanically Luke took the photograph off him and stared.

“You don’t know do you?”

“Don’t know what?” Gil asked, as cold, sinking feeling came over him.

“Craig’s still in St Hughes. He got beaten up defending a prisoner….Gil!”

Gil left the building at a dead run, nearly barrelling into two other officers just entering. Luke ran after him.

“Gil, Gil wait!” Luke shouted.

Gil didn’t even slow down. He leapt into his car and took off at a dangerous speed, not even checking behind for traffic. Luckily the other driver had good reactions and slammed his foot on the brakes and his hand on the horn. Regardless of the consequences Gil drove to St Hughes in a daze. He abandoned the Porsche in the car park and hared into reception.

“I’m looking for Gilmore, Sergeant Craig Gilmore,” he said breathlessly to the woman behind the desk.

“Gilmore, Gilmore. Oh, I’m sorry, he’s gone.”

Gil could feel the blood draining from his face. Luke hadn’t told him Craig had been that badly injured.

“He discharged himself a couple of hours ago,” the woman continued, oblivious of the effect of her first sentence.

“What?”

“He’s discharged himself,” she repeated slowly, thinking it was a pity someone so gorgeous was so stupid. “He’s probably gone home,” she added helpfully.

Gil left the reception area and ran back to his car. Savagely he pulled the wheel around, making the tyres scream in protest at the speed of the manoeuvre and left the car park. It took him nearly an hour to get to Craig’s house due to the volume of traffic. He slid into a space around the corner from the house and quickly made his way to the front door then leant on the bell.

Craig snatched the door open ready to give whoever it was leaning on his bell a piece of his mind.  
Gil and Craig stared at each other. Craig’s face was a glorious mix of purples, blues, pinks, dirty yellows, green and grey.

"You look like an explosion in a paint factory!" Gil finally said.

Craig glared at him for a second, began to laugh then winced when his ribs pulled.

"Oww, don't make me laugh, it hurts."

Gil stepped inside the house, without waiting for an invitation. He heeled the door shut and gently held Craig’s face in his hands.

"I've been telephoning for days. How long were you in hospital?"

"Just over a week. How did you find out where I was?"

"When you weren't answering the 'phone I went to Sun hill to drop the photo off, asked for you but you weren't available. So I asked for Luke. He told me you'd been beaten up and you were in hospital."

Craig nodded.

"Do you mind if we sit down?"

"Of course not! I shouldn't be keeping you standing here if you've just got out of hospital."

“I’m OK. It looks worse than it is,” Craig insisted, not fooling Gil for a second.

“Course you are,” he agreed holding on to the bigger man’s arm as he shuffled slowly into the lounge. 

Craig was grateful for the support and he was also quite surprised at how strong Gil was given the fact he looked so slender.

“Shall I make a coffee?” Gil asked.

“No milk. The last pint was solid in the fridge.”

“Black coffee it is then,” he replied cheerfully.

Whilst he was in the kitchen he saw the rest of the out of date food. Bread, decorated with pretty greeny blue spots of mould, a piece of cheese with the same colour scheme, eggs which were four days past their use by date, bacon which smelt decidedly iffy and a piece of red meat which was rather too dark to look palatable. The vegetable rack held a wrinkled potato and a small, paper dry, bulb of garlic. Gil could sense a shopping trip coming up.

He made the coffee and brought it through to Craig, then curled up in a corner of the sofa with his hands around his mug.

“So what happened? Luke said you’d been beaten up defending a prisoner.”

“That’s right.”

Haltingly Craig told him. Gil wrinkled his nose when he heard the man Craig had been injured protecting was a suspected paedophile.

“I don’t know how you do it, protect scum like that.”

“I do it because it’s part of my job.”

“Even knowing what some of them have done to children?”

“I uphold the law. It is what I am paid to do but sometimes, yes, I could quite happily strangle some of them.”

“And you’re the one who gets injured upholding the law,” Gil said, gently touching the stitches on the side of Craig’s face.

“That’s not going to improve my looks in the next nick!” Craig said, trying to be flippant about the scar the cut would produce.

“I don’t know, probably make you look rather dashing,” Gil replied in kind, then the possible meaning sank in. “What do you mean, next nick?”

”I’m leaving Sun Hill. I’m going to put in for a transfer.”

“Why? Young Luke is going to be devastated.”

“Young Luke is the reason I’m going,” Craig replied, a little bitterly. He leaned back against the sofa, trying to get comfortable. 

Gil raised his eyebrows and waited. He already knew Luke was very attracted to Craig, he’d seen it in the young man’s face the few times he’d met him.

Craig told Gil about his involvement with Luke from the first moment he’d seen him in the showers to being forced to lie to Kerry by both Luke and Gina. He rested his head on the back of the sofa and spoke mainly to the ceiling, not looking at Gil at all. 

Gil took his hand when Craig fell silent. 

“I’m sorry Craig. I really am.”

Craig nodded but didn’t reply. Gil moved closer and softly kissed his lips then looked into his face. He looked exhausted.

“Why don’t you have a nap and I’ll come back in a couple of hours? I can pick up some milk on the way back. OK?”

A ghost of a smile flitted across Craig’s face.

“OK,” he murmured gratefully. 

Gil settled him down then went upstairs. After a little rummaging in the airing cupboard he found a folded blanket and took it downstairs to cover Craig. Craig was nearly asleep, deep shadows under his eyes blending in with the general bruising. 

Looking down on the bone weary man Gil started to realise he was making a very serious error of judgement. Given the nature of his business, falling in love, whether it was with a client or someone else, was not the most sensible course of action. Falling for someone as broken-hearted as Craig Gilmore was positively foolish. He tore his gaze away. Telling the stone cold, totally logical part of his mind to take a hike, he left the house.

 

Somewhere far away Craig could hear a bell ringing. It went on and on for a long time. Deep within his mind he knew he should do something about that noise. He awoke suddenly. It was the blasted door bell again. He sat up a little too quickly and pulled his healing ribs. Repressing a hiss of pain he threw the blanket back and carefully stood up. The room was almost in darkness so he knew he must have been sleeping for more than a couple of hours. It was probably Gil returning with the promised milk. He opened the door, pasting a welcoming smile on his face. The expression was stillborn when he saw Luke, dressed in civvies, standing nervously on his door step.

“Hello.”

“Hello,” Craig repeated.

“How are you?”

“I’ve been better.”

An awkward silence ensued. Craig was waiting for Luke to come to the point and Luke was waiting for an invitation inside. Eventually Craig held the door open a little wider. Luke took that as invitation enough and slunk passed Craig. Craig shut the door quietly and led the way to the lounge. He put a couple of lamps on and folded up the blanket.

“I rang St Hughes. They said you’d discharged yourself against medical advice.”

Craig shrugged carefully and sat down on the extreme edge of the sofa. He was disconcerted when Luke sat next to him.

“Gina’s going mad. Why did you book yourself out?”

“I can look at a ceiling just as well in my own bed.”

Another long silence. Then Craig asked,

“How’s Kerry?”

“She’s fine. She’s well.”

“Gina obviously isn’t.”

“No. I think they could hear her at St Hughes, without the telephone, when she found out you’d gone.”

Craig gave a quick smile.

“Are you,” Luke coughed and began again. “Are you really going to leave Sun Hill?” 

“What else can I do? As soon as I can I’m going to send my request to Gina.”

“Please don’t go because of me,” Luke sniffed.

“Have you told Kerry you’re here?”

Luke shook his head.

“So you haven’t told her what happened between us?”

“No,” Luke replied very quietly. “I can’t tell her. She’s carrying my baby. What would that do to her?”

Craig shook his head.

“I’ve got to go Luke. I can’t take any more of this! I can’t think when you’re around, I don’t act like a responsible copper when you’re around. You take up far too much room in here,” Craig pointed to his head.

“I’m sorry Craig. I’m really sorry.”

Tears thickened his voice and were running freely down his face. Very gently he picked up Craig’s hand and said,

“I really don’t want you to leave. I’m going to miss you so much.”

Craig gave a mirthless laugh and firmly extracted his hand from Luke’s grasp.

“You don’t want me to leave but you won’t tell your wife how you feel about me. You say you’re going to miss me but you still want me to be there and see you and your pregnant wife every day and feel nothing and do nothing? I am human Luke! I can’t do that anymore. You have no idea how much you’re hurting me,” Craig finished, a stray tear rolling down his own face.

Luke had his hand over his mouth, trying to hold back the sobs.

“On top of all that you and Gina forced me into lying to Kerry. I just cannot do it anymore!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Sorry isn’t enough. I just hope Kerry forgives you when this all blows up in your face.”

“Don’t say that!”

“I think you’d better leave, Luke. I haven’t got the energy for this.”

Craig closed his eyes and turned his body away from Luke. Luke got up and stumbled blindly towards the front door. He opened the door sharply to find Gil standing on the step, his hand raised about to knock.

“Hello Luke,” he said civilly, taking in the miserable expression. 

Luke scrubbed at his face with his hand, trying, unsuccessfully, to wipe away the tears.

“Craig’s not well. He isn’t up to having visitors,” he stated firmly to Gil.

“Yeah, I know, I’ve been shopping for him. Didn’t any of you think to make sure he at least had a pint of milk and loaf in the place? Give me hand with this lot will you?” Gil said, handing three carrier bags to him from the sea of them around his feet.

After a moments hesitation Luke picked up the bags and took them through to the kitchen, Gil following with more bags. Between them they made short work of ferrying the goods inside. Luke glared at Gil as he brought the last bag in. Despite having a sneaking admiration of the good-looking young man, Luke was still unbearably jealous of him. He put the bag with the others on the kitchen table then left as quickly as he could, not even saying goodbye to Craig. 

Gil went in the lounge to see Craig. Craig’s eyes were suspiciously bright but he wasn’t crying any more.

“Want another coffee, this time with milk?”

Craig nodded. 

Gil hunted through the bags and found a box of tissues. He left the box with Craig then returned to putting away the shopping. After they had drank their coffee in silence Gil asked,

“Do you want something to eat?”

“Not really hungry,” Craig replied.

“You need to keep your strength up. How about a piece of toast with a little pate?”

“OK,” he agreed without much enthusiasm.

Gil retired, once again, to the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned with a plateful of small toast triangles without crusts, which he put on the coffee table, then he came back in with a tray. 

“Sit up a bit,” Gil suggested.

Craig did as he was asked then Gil laid the tray across his knees. For a few seconds Craig looked down at the plate, absolutely no expression on his face. Then his lips twitched and he started to laugh. The pate had been arranged on the plate into a crazy looking face with madly staring eyes and salad vegetables scattered around for hair and other features. He was laughing, almost crying, and holding his ribs at the same time.

“You mad idiot,” he finally gasped out.

The remaining tension from Luke’s visit now broken they sat together companionably and shared the light meal, watching television until Gil announced he had to go.

“Can I come back and see you again?” Gil asked hesitantly. He wasn’t sure if Craig wanted time to recover from seeing Luke, or if he wanted a lot more time to try and get over his emotional evisceration at the hands of Luke Ashton.

“I’d be pleased to see you,” Craig replied softly. “I need to pay you back for you all the shopping!”

Gil smiled and kissed him goodbye then left, with the minimum of fuss.

 

Craig knew he wouldn’t be left in peace for long once Gina knew he had signed himself out of the hospital’s care. And he was proved right. Lunch-time saw Inspector Gold standing on his door step with a couple of bottle shaped presents under her arm and an expression on her face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

“Morning.”

“Morning Ma’am. Please come in,” Craig said formally, standing aside to let her though.

“Forget the Ma’am. We’re not at work.  
”  
He inclined his head as he shut the door.

“What kind of painkillers are you on?” she asked, sitting down on the sofa, and plonking both bottles and a big brown envelope on the coffee table.

“Co-codamol.”

“When did you have your last dose?”

“About four hours ago, why?”

“Get a couple of glasses and we can make a start on these then,” she replied indicating the bottles.

He collected two glasses and a saucer from the kitchen and brought them through. Gina had taken her coat off and made herself at home, lighting up without asking. The presents were two very nice and expensive bottles of whisky. 

“The relief had a collection for you. The remainder is in the envelope.”

He put the saucer down near her, opened one of the bottles and poured two generous measures.

“Cheers!” she said, tipping her glass to his and taking a healthy swallow.

Craig took a smaller sip before saying,

“I still want to transfer, Gina. I’m not going to change my mind about that.”

“Oh Craig!”

“Sorry. I’d be a liability if I stay at Sun Hill. I’m a good copper and I want to stay a good copper.”

Gina sighed deeply. She knew it was no use arguing with him and she knew he was right.

“Believe me when I say I wish this could have worked out differently.”

“So do I,” Craig replied, his vision blurring with unshed tears. He held out his glass for a refill.

“You’d better keep in touch with me Craig Gilmore, or else,” Gina threatened as she poured them both refills. 

“I wouldn’t dare do anything else!”

“Anyone from the relief been to see you?” 

“Not here. Most of them don’t know where I live. Well, apart from Luke that is.”

“Oh, right! Luke Ashton must have been nosying through addresses because he was bored then. I’ll have to find him some more work to do,” she said casually.

He forbore to mention Luke already knew where he lived due to the domestic with Sean.

“What did he want?” Gina asked.

“More or less the same thing as you. Please don’t leave Sun Hill.”

Gina shook her head.

“I wish he’d grow up,” she muttered to herself. “One child, making another. You are absolutely sure you won’t change your mind?”

“Positive,” Craig affirmed.

“Okay dokey. When I get back to the nick I’ll make out the necessary and post them on to you. You alright for food and such like, anything I can do?” she asked, once again becoming the practical friend.

“No thanks, Gil went shopping for me yesterday.”

“Gil? Gil Ansell?”

He nodded then noticed she was smiling, a slightly dreamy expression on her face. Unexpected to say the least. “Tell me, was Gil here when Luke came round?”

“Luke was just leaving when Gil came back. Why?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said, storing the information away.

Gina had caught Luke checking Gil Ansell’s name on the police database that very morning. He didn’t have any form. She already knew that though, from having checked him out the day of Matt Boyden’s complete humiliation. She too had seen the way Gil was looking at Craig Gilmore and also the dagger looks Luke was sending Gil’s way. Gina left after an hour, letting Craig get some much needed rest. The alcohol helped him to get a couple of hours sleep in the afternoon, making up a little for his insomnia during the night.

Towards evening on the next day Gil returned. Craig suddenly felt a little better when the other man was there, even if he was fussing and pottering around the kitchen preparing food. Craig hadn’t bothered to eat much when he was on his own so he was surprised at how much better he felt after eating the meal Gil prepared for them. Gil made him laugh and he did enjoy his company. But once again, he found himself falling asleep.

“I think you’d better go to bed,” Gil said, smiling at Craig’s attempts to keep his eyes open.

“No, no it’s alright. I want to stay and talk,” Craig tried to say around a huge yawn.

“We can do that tomorrow. You’re still healing, your body needs rest.”

“You’re not working tonight?”

Gil shook his head.

“You can sleep here, if you want,” Craig offered.

“Is that a proposition?” Gil enquired, silkily.

“Er, only if you’re into necrophilia!”

“Think I’ll pass on that one, thanks.”

“I’ll put some sheets on the spare bed,” Craig said.

“Don’t bother,” Gil replied. “I’ll do it myself when I go to bed.”

“OK,” Craig yawned. He was nearly asleep on his feet.

Waking up was the most pleasant experience Craig had had for quite a while. The scent of clean hair prickled his nose and his arms were full of a lithe, warm body. Sighing in contentment Craig cuddled in closer. For a few seconds he was back to the morning after the one and only time he had made love with Gil. Then he remembered what had happened since and tried to unobtrusively move away again, but in his sleep Gil sensed the movement and pulled Craig closer. Just occasionally Craig did know when not to argue.

As the weeks wore on, and spring’s warm breath replaced winters chill, Craig got stronger and stronger. He was taking more exercise, under Gil’s watchful eye, eating better and generally getting a lot fitter. 

His broken bones were kitting together well and the scar on his face faded down to a pale pink line, which would eventually fade even further. On the several nights a week that Gil stayed over at his house, Craig also took full advantage of the willing body in his bed. 

At first Craig had been very reticent to resume any physical relationship with Gil until the younger man had made it perfectly clear he was more than happy to sleep with Craig in every sense of the phrase. 

Craig had everything going for him; a good-looking, charming, witty companion during the day-time, one who could transform into a breathtakingly passionate and sexual being in seconds. It would have been idyllic apart from the dull ache in his heart.

There was some aching tissue in Gil’s chest, on occasions, as well. Every now and then Luke would ring up to speak to Craig. After each conversation Craig would ignore Gil and mooch around the house for hours, the morose expression on his face not inviting communication of any sort. Then he would pull himself out of the Slough of Despond and want Gil with a desperation which was almost frightening in its intensity. Gil wasn’t sure which he preferred, his usual tender, gentle lover or the passionate madman who sometimes stole his body. Neither was he too sure who Craig thought he was with in those strange, wild times. Was he simply a body, a phantom Luke, for Craig to spend his frustrations on? 

Usually Craig was caring and sensitive and always tried to make sure of his partner’s pleasure too, then afterwards he generally liked to hold Gil close and sometimes talk, but always there was the closeness.

When the other, feral lover, emerged, it felt more like a fight. Craig would use Gil’s body for his own pleasure, Gil’s gratification seeming to be a coincidental by-product of their activities. They would spend themselves utterly then sleep where ever and whenever exhaustion took over.

The night Craig heard Luke’s child had been delivered seemed to mark the end of these mood swings. Craig was opening his post after coming back from a run, Gil had arrived a few minutes after he had opened a card which contained a short letter in Luke’s handwriting and a photograph of Luke holding a tiny baby, his son.

Gil had been standing at the bottom of the stairs when he noticed the unnatural silence in the hall. Craig was staring fixedly at him, the fires of lust burning brightly in his eyes. Gil decided to play a dangerous game and fan the flames a little. Maintaining the unnerving eye contact, he shrugged his leather jacket off, let it slide down his body and left it in a heap on the floor, then, deliberately turning his back on Craig he began to walk, slowly, up the stairs, taking his sweater off and leaving that draped along the stairs too. 

For a big man, Craig could move quickly and lightly when he wanted to. Seconds later Gil found himself pushed against the wall at the top of the stairs, being kissed within an inch of his life while quick, clever hands where divesting him of the rest of his clothing. The whole night was as wild and exciting as anyone could wish for. The next day they both ached all over, but Gil definitely thought it was a small price to pay for a night like that.

For whatever reason Craig seemed to be so much happier after that point. He was exercising more, usually attending a gym or going running with Gil. His was feeling stronger and so much better in himself. His transfer request had been approved and was only awaiting his next physical check-up to be actioned. 

Halcyon days of getting fitter, taking long walks alongside the river or through the parks, days becoming warmer and sometimes eating in out of the way trattoria, tapas bars or tiny pavement cafes and occasionally going to matinees at the theatre or the cinema. Craig never mentioned the times when Gil was working all night and sometimes in the afternoons and evenings as well. He accepted that as part of the price of being able to spend time with someone like Gil. If a bout of jealousy of the businessman who paid for Gil’s services ever impinged on Craig’s thoughts he kept it to himself.

One evening, about three months after Luke’s son had been born, Gil mentioned a play which Craig had been wanting to see.  
“I rang up and provisionally booked a couple of tickets for tonight. We could go to that nice little Indian place around the corner for a meal first.”

There was a pause before Craig said apologetically,

“I’m sorry Gil. I’m going out tonight. I’m seeing someone.”

“Oh! OK then. Another time maybe,” he said smiling, trying desperately to hide the sudden pain which burnt through his chest. “Anyone I know?” he asked brightly.

“Sort of. Luke Ashton.”

“Luke?”

Whilst Gina Gold had been a pretty regular visitor during Craig’s protracted convalescence, Luke’s only contact had been via the telephone.

“Yeah, he asked me to meet him for dinner.”

Gil pasted a smile on his face and nodded.

“Enjoy yourself, I’m sure you will.”

“You going to be here later or are you going home?”

“I’ll probably go home. Some bits and pieces I need to do there. You’ll need to get ready and I should make a start on boring paperwork so see you later.”

He kissed Craig and then collected his overnight bag all the time acting as if everything was completely normal.

Driving was difficult when he was trying to see clearly through blurring eyes but he made it home safely, then indulged in an hour long fit of weeping. That was the worst thing, about his business. He couldn’t object. He made his living wining, dining and entertaining some very high powered businessmen. 

The difference between Luke, himself and the men who paid a great deal of money for his company was like the difference between love and lust. By and large, the business men paying for his wit, charm and erudition on most subjects were very likeable in themselves and Gil did like a great many of them, even felt a degree of affection for one or two of them, he knew Craig had been, and probably still was, deeply in love with Luke. 

He still wasn’t sure what Craig really felt for him. If he just wanted him for his body and ability to make him laugh or if he did feel some affection for him. If all he felt was lust and then love came along, in the guise of the callow Luke, Gil knew he wouldn’t stand a chance. Craig was an honourable, loyal man. If Luke made a decision and snapped his fingers in Craig’s favour he would go running to him but make his farewell to Gil first. 

Gil had known, all those months before, falling for Craig was a bad idea, but he’d done it anyway. He’d had taste of what it was like to share Craig’s life and his bed and he counted himself lucky to have had that for the last eight months. He may not ever be happy without Craig but he knew he would survive, he always did. 

So, when Craig chose the time to tell him it was over and he was finally getting it together with Luke, he would be prepared. He’d make sure he looked his best, had his most sultry smile pinned to his lips and would wish him, with every fibre of his being, all the best. Even if his heart were breaking inside he would never let Craig know how much he was hurting. He loved him enough to let him go to the one who made him happy, even if it wasn’t himself. But woe betide Luke if this was some new way of playing with Craig’s emotions. He would not stand idly by and see the man he adored being hurt by that thoughtless selfish, boy.

All afternoon and evening Gil wandered his spacious flat. He couldn’t settle to anything, not even speaking to his favourite clients. He opened a bottle of bone dry, white champagne, drank that then opened another. Finally he wandered in his bedroom, the one room he had been consciously avoiding. 

He and Craig had generally spent more time at Craig’s house rather than this flat but on the rare times Craig had stayed over, inevitably, items of clothing had been left behind. So far in his ‘Gilmore’ collection he had one jacket, the one Craig had let him use when he’d been mugged; three sweaters, four shirts and a pair of jeans. Gil surveyed the items hanging up in his wardrobe, like so many orphaned children awaiting the return of their father. 

He ran his fingertips along the different fabrics, then finally reaching out and burying his face in the wool of one of the sweaters. It smelt of a mixture of Craig’s aftershave and his own personal scent. 

Gil breathed deeply of the blended aromas. Carefully he took the sweater off the hanger and took it across to his bed where he lay down with it. He rubbed his face against the wool, wrapping his arms around it, imagining he was holding onto its owner. Eventually the wine he had drank on an empty stomach and the expected heartache combined to make him sleep heavily.

The sound of the entry phone buzzing woke Gil many hours later. He looked at his bedside clock. Two fifteen in the morning was not the time to be delivering bad news. Slightly irritated at Craig’s thoughtlessness in that, he got up, his head still spinning from the large amount of wine earlier, and straightened himself up. He answered the phone whilst quickly brushing his hair.

“Hello?”

“Gil, it’s me. Can I come in or are you busy?”

“Hi me. No, I’m not busy, come on up.”

He pressed the entry button to release the outside door. Whilst Craig was walking up the four flights of steps, Gil rinsed his mouth out with mouthwash and was waiting calmly for him when he got to the door of the flat.

“It’s bit late for visiting, isn’t it?”

Craig looked abashed when he checked his watch and realised what time it was.

“I’m sorry! Do you want me to go?”

“Come in,” he replied smiling and reaching out for his hand.

“It was such a nice night I thought I’d clear my head and walk here.”

“Where did you walk from?”

“Silks and Spices on Curzon Street.”

“That must be about seven miles away!” Gil said from the kitchen. He brought two opened bottles of beer back and handed one to Craig. Craig thanked him and took several huge gulps of the cool liquid.

Gil sat in a comfortable chair opposite Craig and fixed him with his blue eyes.

“Did you have a nice evening?”

Craig looked down at the carpet.

Here it comes, Gil thought to himself. Brave face.

“I’d like to say yes, but no, I didn’t.”

“Oh?” 

Not the answer he was expecting.

“I don’t know why I didn’t see it before but Luke is such a child! He spent the whole evening bemoaning his lot. Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The baby keeps him awake all hours of the day and night. Kerry’s always tired and never has time for him anymore. What the hell did he expect?”

Gil was compressing his lips to stop himself from laughing out loud. The clatter of scales falling from eyes sounded very loud this early in the morning.

“He even had the bloody cheek to ask me if I was still in love with him!”

Gil took a mouthful of beer before he asked,

“And are you?”

Craig paused before answering.

“I thought I was, but no, I’m not. All the time I was with him I kept thinking about all the times we’ve been out to dinner together and how much I enjoyed it, how much I like your company. How much I missed you tonight.”

Gil stared at Craig for a long moment then fled to the kitchen, his eyes filling with tears. He was expecting to get dumped tonight not be told how much Craig liked his company.

“Gil! Gil what’s the matter? Are you alright?” Craig shouted running after him into the kitchen.

“I’m fine,” he sniffed, facing the refrigerator, his back to Craig.

“No you’re not, what is it? What’s happened?”

Craig reached out and gently turned Gil to face him then enfolded him in a strong embrace.

“Tell me, please?” Craig begged.

Gil gave a half laugh and gulped before he said,

“I thought you were coming here to tell me goodbye.”

Craig’s arms tightened around Gil.

“Why?”

“I’ve seen the way Luke Ashton looks at you. He adores you. You fascinate him. And you were so much in love with him, all he has to do is to snap his fingers and you’ll go running to him.”

“You thought that’s what was going to happen tonight? And you never said a word. You wouldn’t fight for me?” Craig asked, forcing Gil to look at him.

“If he messed you about I’d kill him. But if he is who you want to be with and he makes you happy, then that’s where you should be.”

“What if I’m happy here with you?”

“Then that’s where you should stay!” Gil said indistinctly through his tears.

Craig smiled at him wiping his face with his hand.

“I might have to share your wonderful face and body with other blokes who have more money than I’ll ever see and are brighter than I’ll ever be, but I do love you, you know.”

A lot of men had told Gil they loved him, but none of them had such sincerity shining from their eyes or the tones of truth throbbing in their voices when they said the words.

Gil kissed Craig with all the fervour he possessed. His kisses tasted sweeter than ever before.

 

Gil lay with his head on Craig’s shoulder, slowly stroking his fingertips through the hairs on Craig’s chest. He could feel his own hair sticking to his back with sweat. He twitched his shoulder blades irritably, feeling too lazy to move. Craig opened his eyes and moved the offending hair away for him. 

Gil snuggled down against him again, resuming his slow, soothing stoking.

“By the way, I was thinking. Your new nick. It’s only about two miles from here, isn’t it?”

“About that,” Craig sighed. Any conversation was beyond him at the moment. He felt sated and totally content.

“If you want, you could stay here when you’re on duty. Just if you want to,” Gil said diffidently.

Craig stayed silent for a few moments.

“What about your ….business?”

“They never, ever come here,” Gil stated firmly.

“Not even when….you know.”

“I’m not a rent boy!” Gil replied waspishly. “I only ever slept with those I considered to be friends." 

Craig noticed the use of the past tense immediately.

“How long ago?”

This time Gil was silent.

“How long?” Craig repeated.

“Not since the first time I slept with you.”

Gil could see Craig’s lips curl up in a big smile.

“What are you looking so pleased about?” he growled.

“Really?”

“Yes, really!”

Craig’s smile got even wider.

“So, we’re exclusive then?”

“Unless you’ve been seeing other people,” Gil said.

Craig shook his head. He rolled over and pinned Gil’s body under his.

“Do you want to keep it that way?”

“Do you?”

“I asked first,” Craig said, stroking his thumb across Gil’s face. 

Gil caught the pad in his mouth and bit it then kissed it.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Gil asked.

“I wouldn’t be asking otherwise.”

Gil held his face in his hands and looked deep into the brown eyes above him.

Craig smiled down at him, seeing the answer on his face.

“I thought you’d had enough,” Gil said a few minutes later, as Craig was making languid progress down his body.

Gil hissed as Craig found an erotic spot on his hip with his lips and teased it further with his tongue, then he sighed and arched his back like a cat as Craig moved a little further over.

“So, you are going to move in?” Gil asked dreamily.

Craig didn’t answer for a few minutes by which time Gil had forgotten what he had asked.

“My mother always told me never to speak with my mouth full and finish what you start,” he eventually replied.

“You haven’t finished! And your mother sounds like a wonderful woman. Must remember to thank her when I meet her,” Gil replied pushing Craig’s head down again.

 

“God it’s cold!” Gil said, his hands deep in the pockets of his fleece and running on the spot.

“We’ve been coming down here in February for the last nine years and you always say the same thing.”

“That’s because it’s always bloody cold!” Gil complained. “Come on, let’s get going. I need some exercise to keep me warm.”

Craig leaned in close to Gil’s ear before saying,

“You were offered exercise this morning but you refused.”

“Your mother was wandering about.”

“So?”

“She might have come in. I’m sure the sight of her big strapping son screwing his boyfriend would have been most edifying!”

“She knows we’re sleeping in the same bed. She’s not stupid, Gil.”

“I know she isn’t.” Gil crinkled his nose. “It just doesn’t seem right,” he muttered.

“You’re embarrassed!” Craig said triumphantly, seeing the tell tale blush along his cheekbones.

“No, I’m not. It’s this wind!”

"You shouldn't have had so many baked beans for breakfast, then," Craig said, grinning childishly.

"Ha bloody ha! Come on!" Gil ordered, hooking his arm in Craig's and dragging him down the concrete ramp and onto the beach. 

He pulled Craig along in his wake like a tug pulling a liner out to sea until Craig decided to show him just how fast an Inspector in the Metropolitan Police could run. Soon Gil was out of breath and Craig was well ahead of him. Craig rounded the promontory ahead and disappeared from sight. 

Gil put on a spurt of speed, rounded the corner and stopped dead. A wide expanse of sand stretched before him, the waves of the outgoing tide lapping gently at the edge of the beach, a cliff marking the boundary of the beach at the other side but no sign of any other human being. Gil looked around totally confused.

"Craig. Craig!" he shouted suddenly panicking.

He turned to the cliff, a movement catching his eye. Craig was standing very still, leaning against the rock and laughing at him.

"You…..!" he growled, running towards him.

Craig caught him around the waist and swung him, pushing him towards the rock face. Gil was hugely surprised when he seemed to pass straight through the cliff, Craig's face, still grinning at his shocked one. What he'd thought to be a slice of dark rock was the entrance to a cave.

"Oh wow!" he breathed as he looked around the sandy hollow.

"The cliffs are riddled with these places. They sometimes go for miles," Craig told him, taking his hand. "Mind your head."

Gil ducked as Craig led them both under a very low section, then into a tiny narrow passageway.

"Why haven't you showed me this place before?" Gil asked, keeping his head low. Craig was walking nearly double.

"Forgotten about it. I haven't been in here since I was a kid," he said, producing a tiny maglight from his pocket. 

The bright beam illuminated sandy coloured walls, the drifting sand on the floor felt soft and deep. They rounded a corner into a smaller cave. The floor was covered in the same soft sand.

"We spent ages dragging extra sand in here to make a comfortable den. Looks like no-one has been in here since then."

Craig suddenly pulled Gil towards him, then tripped him, cushioning his fall into the sand then he started kissing him passionately.

"God, I needed that!" Gil gasped, sometime later.

"You've warmed up as well, I take it?" Craig asked breathlessly, holding Gil's hips as his head slumped against his chest. Gil’s legs, straddling his hips, relaxing their grip on his body a little.

"As hot as usual," Gil said cheekily.

Craig laughed.

"No complaints here."

"You must have been a boy scout in a previous life, bringing a torch, lube and condoms for a walk on the beach."

"Just hopeful and horny. My beautiful partner has been denying me his body for a week."

Gil lifted his head and tried to look at Craig in the darkness, then he put his head back down.

"You really don't like making love when we're staying with my mother, do you?"

"No, I don't. We make a lot of noise, Craig."

"She knows we live together."

"I wouldn't be able to face her over the breakfast table."

Gil could feel Craig starting to laugh.

"I'd never have believed that you could be such a prude."

"I'm not a prude! This is just…. special. Very special. I'm not sharing it with anyone who happens to have sharp ears."

Craig could tell Gil was getting annoyed by the tone of his voice. He put his arms around the slim body above him and rolled them both, quite slowly, so they were lying on their sides.

"Yes, you are very special. You're the most special thing in my life," he said sincerely. "I really miss it when were not intimate. You're like a drug to me. I need my regular fix."

Gil's hand moved up, using Craig's body as a map in the pitch dark, until he could stroke his face. 

They shared a kiss, before Gil broke the moment by saying,

"Insatiable sex maniac is nearer the mark. You never give me a moments peace, always abusing my poor little body, night and day!"

"You're looking remarkably well on it," Craig replied dryly.

Gil giggled and kissed him then asked,

"How are you fixed for more abuse?"

"What's the magic word?" Craig asked, between bestowing more kisses on Gil's lips.

"Please! Please, please, please!"

 

The next morning, their last but one, in Wales, Craig got up early, leaving Gil to sleep on. Quietly he went into the bathroom and got into the shower. He was washing his hair when he sensed the bathroom door opening then being locked, then the shower door opening. A pair of warm hands began wielding a soaped sponge over his back until he had finished rinsing the lather from his hair and face. 

Then the warm hands positioned him, insistently, as they wanted him. Craig folded his arms against the tiled wall and leaned his head on them, biting into his forearm as he tried to stop himself moaning and howling. A sharp bite on his shoulder blade told him Gil was employing similar methods. They rested together for a few seconds before Gil began to briskly wield the sponge again, cleaning then both up.

"You're quite right," Craig said, without bothering to straighten up. "We do make a lot of noise!"

Gil laughed, low and dirty.

"Tomorrow night we can raise the roof, lover."

 

Later on, after taking Craig's mother around the shops, they took her for a stroll along the beach. They walked past the entrance to the cave and kept on going until the old lady wanted to sit down for a rest.

"Your Dad and me used to love walking along the beach, when we were younger," she told Craig and Gil. "Did some of our courting here as well. Not as much as some others did. I happen to know half a dozen of your old school mates, young Owen Rees and Anghared Davis among them, came out of one of those caves in the cliff down there," she nodded down the beach. "Not him though, mind," she said, jerking her thumb in Craig's direction. "He might act like one sometimes but he was born in wedlock."

Gil roared with laughter as Craig went red and said,

"Mam, stop it. You're embarrassing me!"

She laughed as she got to her feet and took Gil's arm. 

"Don't you mind him Gil," she said.

"What other stories have your forgotten to tell me?" Gil asked mischievously.

"Well, there was that time when he was about fifteen…."

"Mam!" Craig said in alarm. She couldn’t know about that and not have said anything all these years, could she?

Gil glanced back, his eyes dancing with humour and naughtiness, listening intently to the tales Craig's mother was willing to impart. Craig stopped and looked at them lovingly as they were walking away from him. Over the years his mother had grown to accept and like Gil, even more so after his father had passed away. 

He trailed along the beach in their wake, listening with half an ear to what scurrilous stories of his childhood she was passing on to his partner. Gil had heard nearly all of them before but he never tired of encouraging her to tell them again. He caught up with them and took his mother's other arm when the subject of conversation changed to their proposed new home.

"It looks like a really nice place, Gil," Glynys was saying to him. She had seen the photographs they had brought down to show her. "All that land with it too, you'll be lords of the manor!"

"There's a little cottage attached to the main house as well. Thought we'd put that aside for you," Gil told her.

"Steady on young man, I'm not ready for a Granny flat yet! Be nice for visits though. You're definitely set on buying it then? What about Craig's job?"

"I can commute until I can get a transfer to the North Yorkshire force," Craig told her.

"I'm looking forward to seeing this mansion," his mother said. "When you get moved in I'll come up and keep Gil company for a few days, whilst you're away."

"We can have wild parties, before he comes home," Gil suggested. 

"Oh, we can have lads in! He won't be there to frighten them off!"

"Shall I just stay away?" Craig asked, pretending to be affronted.

Glynys laughed and pulled his arm tight against her for a second or two.

"You'd better not. If he doesn't see you for more than a week, he'll pine away."

Gil laughed with Craig knowing that Glynys had got his measure. She could see how much he loved her son.

As they drew level with the cave, Craig stopped to empty his shoe of sand, telling his mother and Gil to carry on. 

He emptied out half of the beach which seemed to have accumulated in there and straightened up. He heard someone calling his name, over and over again, getting nearer, as if they were worried and looking for him.

"Craig! Craig! Craig, where are you?"

"Gil? I'm here." Craig shouted back, as a young man rounded the promontory just in front of him.

"It’s not Gil. It's me, Luke."

Craig stared in shock at Luke.

"Craig, are you alright?" Luke asked, coming towards him.

Craig took in the grey hair at his temples and the slightly longer way he wore his hair now, the lines around his eyes and his generally more mature appearance. 

Suddenly the past six years crashed back onto him. 

"Come on sit down," Luke ordered, helping him down to the sand. Craig's face looked grey. 

Worriedly Luke held onto his arm. He brushed back Craig's silvering hair which had blown across his face in the sea breeze. 

Beyond him Craig could see two children playing about at the edge of the waves, yelling and squealing at each other. Luke's children.

"Craig, do you want a doctor?" Luke asked, now seriously worried by his continued silence.

"No. No, it's alright. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Sure."

"What were you thinking about?"

Craig had decided long ago that nothing but honesty should prevail in any relationship with Luke.

"I was remembering when Gil and I were deciding to buy The Lodge. We'd been walking along this beach with my Mam."

Luke leaned forward and kissed his chill lips before saying,

"You really were a million miles away, weren't you? Your Mam sent us out to get you, tea'll be ready in about half an hour."

"OK," he said, then gave Luke a quick smile.

Luke wasn't mollified by the gesture. Craig had looked at him a few minutes earlier as if he didn't remember him at all.

"Do you want some time on your own? We can go back and tell her to put tea back for a bit."

"You’re a braver man than me, then," Craig replied.

Luke's face broke into a smile.

"I'll tell you what, I'll keep those two occupied and you wander back when you want."

Craig nodded. Luke looked behind him to check on the children then leaned in for a longer kiss. When he pulled back the deep-seated fear of losing Craig again was there in the back of his eyes.

"I'm fine, Luke. Really," Craig tried to reassure him.

Luke nodded, but Craig knew he didn’t believe him. He reached out and held Luke's face between his hands and kissed him again. After a few seconds Luke straddled him, kneeling in the sand, kissing him back, the passion building between them. When they pulled apart Luke was breathing heavily, Craig knew he was very turned on and that they wouldn't be able to do anything about it for quite a while.

"Sorry!" he apologised. "Didn't mean to do that to you."

Luke closed his eyes, getting his breath back and willing his arousal to subside. Behind them a loud yell of,

"Dad! Tell him to stop!" brought Luke to his feet with a sigh and a groan.

Luke ran towards the two children, breaking up the incipient fight between the younger boy and his fifteen year old brother, who was teasing him unmercifully. Luke rounded them up and took them further up the beach to some pools which lay around the rocky outcrops, in the hopes of diverting their attention onto something else. 

Craig began remembering the night Gil was due back from the solicitors from signing the final papers to the new house and estate. The knock on the door and seeing Sergeant Luke Ashton and Chief Inspector Gold standing there, bringing him the news there’d been an accident. Nine happy years with Gil had ended at the side of a hospital bed, the sudden cessation of sound as the respirator was switched off, echoing through the tiny room. Gil's hand in his becoming cool and finally cold the longer he sat beside his body. The months of constant grey fog which bound him and locked his mind in blackest grief and despair. All the way through the only constant faces which made an impression on his consciousness were Luke's and Gina's. 

The fog starting to clear and still Luke was there, taking him out for walks, bringing his children to see him and generally keeping him in tenuous contact with the human race. Two years of missing Gil and wanting him and needing him desperately during which one faithful item in his life was Luke. Luke, listening to him talk, holding him when he cried and sitting with him when he was silent. Then Craig finally giving in and sleeping with him. That had been just over four years ago. They had been living together ever since. 

The sum of a life. 

Luke wasn’t Gil, he could never replace him but they were happy together, in a very different way. This relationship was as different again as his relationships with Sean, Carl, and Gil had all been from each other. 

An older and wiser Luke was a far better person than the young Luke he had fallen for all those years ago. Fondly he watched him playing with his sons. They were good kids and Kerry encouraged them to spend as much time with their father and Craig as possible. Surprisingly Luke's marriage to Kerry had lasted longer than Craig had thought it would, despite both partner's infidelities. Craig stood up and brushed the sand from his clothing then followed the sound of voices.

Luke turned his head and smiled at his lover. Craig could hear the excited chatter from both boys rise in volume as they watched a small crab scuttle across the bottom of the rock pool. 

Before he rounded the rocks which would cut off his view of the cave entrance, movement caught his eye. A beautiful young man was standing there, his long, dark hair blowing in the wind. He was smiling at him. He had often felt his presence around that cave, over the years, but he had never actually seen him before. The man raised his hand and blew him a kiss. Craig smiled and pretended to catch it and then kissed the palm of his own hand. The image smiled happily, waved then seemed to melt away into the rock face.

He stood for some minutes looking at the empty place whilst a feeling of contented peace stole through his soul. He felt he had been privileged to be Gil’s partner for the time they had together. Very privileged. And even more so to have been given a second chance at happiness with Luke. He felt like a very, very lucky man.

Craig crossed the expanse of sand to join Luke and the boys at the side of the pool. As he crouched down Luke put his hand into his jacket pocket and smiled up at him, before transferring his watchfiul attention back to his children and the other denizens of the rock pool. Craig curled his hand around Luke’s cold fingers and duly paid attention to the wonders in the pool.


End file.
